


Humanity

by annies_hoodie



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Canon Compliant, Other, a birthday fic for the birthday biiiitch
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-22
Updated: 2018-03-22
Packaged: 2019-04-06 12:56:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14057445
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/annies_hoodie/pseuds/annies_hoodie
Summary: Prompted by Ymir interrupting her quiet hideout, Annie reflects on the other trainees and her relationship with them, examining herself introspectively along the way.





	Humanity

“Do you hate people?” Ymir asked without a hint of tact, hopping up beside Annie on the ledge she’d thought had been hidden from public eye. Annie set her jaw in annoyance as Ymir chomped away on a crusty piece of bread, swinging her legs as she watched trainees meander after they had eaten their evening meal. It was almost time to sleep, but they still had a bit of time to take care of some last minute things or just relax. Annie had opted to get some fresh air and people watch, but Ymir had decided to crash her hideout. She had to admire her bravery; no other trainee would dare to do what Ymir had just done, for fear of Annie knocking them to their feet. But with Ymir, Annie had a feeling that if she were to do that, Ymir would just get right back up. **  
**

“Why are you asking that?” Annie responded without looking at the girl beside her. She knew better than to volunteer information unless it was for good reason, regardless of if it was small talk or not. Briefly, she found herself wondering if she’d ever had a normal conversation in her life. As early back as she can remember, words were never used with the intention of entertaining oneself, conversing with others on superficial matters, or anything of the like. Instead, she was taught to view words as tools to deflect, manipulate or threaten; conversations merely steps in a plan or tactics to extract information. What Ymir was doing now was almost foreign to her; initiating conversation just for the sake of talking to another person.

Ymir chuckled. “I don’t know, just wondering. You act like you hate everyone.”

Annie turned her head almost imperceptibly, studying the dusting of freckles on Ymir’s cheeks, and the light smirk that always seemed to play upon her lips. She thought about how Ymir always walked around easily, an arm slung around Krista while the pair chatted languidly with Sasha. The three of them, talking and smiling, transparent in their intentions and their backs straight, free of any internal burdens to weight them down.

No, what Annie harboured wasn’t hate. It was envy, envy that they could so easily be human while Annie struggled to hold onto her own humanity, torn between who she was shaped to be and who she wanted to be. The others walked towards a singular goal, united together, while Annie was alone, always alone.

Yet, Annie found herself interacting with them more often than not. Brief chats with Armin, sparring with Eren, sitting quiet in the company of the other girls, taking in everything from the back of the room. There was a part of her that wanted these things, intrigued by human interaction and the unrealized emotions it awoke within her. Of course, she knew it was a big mistake to behave like that. In theory, she should be holed up in her room whenever it wasn’t time for training or class, cementing a thick wall between her and everyone else. It would make it easier when she had to betray them, or even kill them. But the longer she grew to be accustomed to everyone, the more she decided she could not do that.

“I don’t,” Annie said, watching Mikasa from behind the fence as the girl carried a stack of wood in her arms. She was always working, always helping. Annie thought it was interesting how Mikasa was a generally withdrawn person, not exactly welcoming but not cruel, either, and she continually displayed how much she cared about everyone through her actions. It didn’t even seem intentional, just born from a desire to take care of the people around her. It showed in the way she made sure her friends were all fed, that their gear was all properly fastened, that any injuries were tended to. Mikasa, the hardest and fiercest of all of them, had the most gentle and soft side to her. And she used it to fuel her, channeling her fierce love into unstoppable strength instead of letting it compromise her. It was admirable, as she always thought Mikasa to be, however begrudgingly.

Humanity endlessly perplexed Annie.

Ymir laughed. “You’re very convincing.”

She saw Ymir look at her out of the corner of her eye, looking as if she was deciding to say something before she finally spoke. “Listen, Krista, Mina and Sasha are doing some stupid spa night in the barracks tonight and I need you to come.”

Surprised, Annie inhaled sharper than usual as Ymir kept talking. “I need someone to talk to while they put lavender on their face or some crap.”

Annie bit the inside of her cheek, wondering if the others would even want her there. She was well aware that her presence was foreboding to some, and she didn’t want to ruin the evening for them.

“They somehow got Mikasa involved too. She’s bringing snacks, so there’s an incentive,” Ymir said. “Plus, Krista told me she wants to be friends with you.”

Krista wanted to be friends? Immediately, Annie wrote it off as a lie to get her to come. What would Krista’s motive be for wanting to be friends with Annie? Did she have suspicions about her? Did she consider her a threat?

“Friends?” Annie repeated cautiously, incredulously. It didn’t seem right.

“Uh, yeah. Despite you being scary as hell, people around here like you a lot. They just don’t know how to approach you, that’s why they sent me. I can approach anyone,” Ymir bragged, her tone haughty yet playful.

Annie wrapped her arms around herself and stared straight ahead, still unconvinced by Ymir’s words. But she couldn’t help wondering if there was some truth to them. Did they really like her? Annie wondered how that could possibly be. She made a conscious effort to be as aloof as possible, shooting down any invitations extended to her and definitely not going out of her way to be helpful. There was no way they could possibly want her at their get-together.

As if reading her mind, Ymir chattered on as she jumped off the ledge, small puffs of dirt rising beneath her soles. “You don’t have to be the life of the party or anything, you don’t even have to talk. You think Mikasa is going to talk? No. Just come and eat with us, hang out a bit. Leave whenever.”

Annie looked at Ymir and couldn’t see a hint of mockery in her eyes or dishonesty in her body language. The other girl gave her a smile and stuffed her hands in her pockets. “Well, I’m on my way there now. So I guess I’ll see you soon, or not. Whatever you want to do, Annie.”

Ymir turned on her heel and strolled towards the barracks, her pace leisurely as Annie watched her, finally disappearing behind the door. The sun was almost set now, and Annie remained as the other trainees wrapped up their conversations and headed their separate ways.

Despite trying to quell the desire, Annie wanted to follow her. She couldn’t decipher whether it was out of curiosity, or longing, or what, but she knew that she wanted to be there this time, soaking up their happiness and genuity. She knew that she didn’t deserve to, but she also knew she was weak. She was human, despite her best efforts, despite an entire lifetime of being treated as a warrior, seen as nothing but a weapon, a tool. She would let herself have this, even if it meant destroying her ice queen persona that she’d worked diligently to build.

Even if it meant admitting that she cared about them, she would let herself have this.

Hopping off the ledge, Annie followed Ymir’s footsteps and opened the door to the girl’s barracks, then sun setting as she set off towards new horizons.

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to write something positive and happy for her birthday, lol! I was actually inspired by that canon picture of Annie, Mikasa and Historia hanging out, and what would lead up to that. Hope you guys enjoy :) and HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO OUR GIRL


End file.
